


How Did We End Up Here?

by snoggingsnowbaz



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, How Do I Tag, Kissing, Lots of kissing, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, SnowBaz, for now, keeping it PG, kidding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 09:27:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14746223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snoggingsnowbaz/pseuds/snoggingsnowbaz
Summary: I can feel it. His eyes following every move my hand makes as I paint my mother’s portrait. His magic like pins prickling my skin. His presence making me feel like I’m alive – even if I’m not.“Don’t you have other things to do?” I try to sound smug as best as I can.“She’s beautiful.” You are.I feel so uncomfortable with him watching my every move.  I sit on my bed, my back against the wall so he won’t see me working. So he won’t see my hands shaking. Why do you do this to me, Simon Snow?





	How Did We End Up Here?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first SnowBaz imagine that I’ve ever written and posted. I tried to make as little mistakes as I could. If you find any, sorry about that! If this sucks, I apologize for that too. I hope you like it!

**BAZ**

I can feel it. His eyes following every move my hand makes as I paint my mother’s portrait. His magic like pins prickling my skin. His presence making me feel like I’m alive – even if I’m not.

“Don’t you have other things to do?” I try to sound smug as best as I can.

“She’s beautiful.” _You are._

I feel so uncomfortable with him watching my every move.  I sit on my bed, my back against the wall so he won’t see me working. So he won’t see my hands shaking.  _Why do you do this to me, Simon Snow?_

“Can you please stop staring? You’re so fucking weird.”  _I’m sorry, I love you. I’m sorry, I love you. I’m sorry, I love you. I’m sorry, I love you. I’m sorry, I love you. I’m sorry, I love you. I’m sorry, I love you._

He doesn’t move an inch. Did he even hear me? I can’t take this anymore. I might end up throwing myself at him and kissing him if he doesn’t stop looking like a cute little puppy.

“That’s it. I’m leaving.” I take my things and start to leave, not knowing where to go. Maybe in the Wavering Wood so I can be alone.

“Wait, Baz. Uh, sorry. I’m just going to—“ He stands up. “Don’t leave. It’s almost one in the morning where are you even going to stay?” He doesn’t look me in the eye. He disappears into to the bathroom, leaving me to my thoughts. He’s probably going to take his shower before bed.

I put down my things on my bed and on my desk. Simon made me stay. Simon fucking Snow made me stay.

So I do.

I’m back to work when he went out of the bathroom. Shirtless. With water dripping down his chest. I pretend I'm not affected by seeing him like that, that I'm not seeing him at all.

Why did I have to fall in love with my enemy?

“Umm… Sorry I made you uncomfortable…”  _No, Simon._   _I’m sorry I called you weird._ “It’s just that… I just thought you were so lucky you had your mum with you. I never met mine.”  

Shit. Why am I such an arsehole? Crowley, I fucked up.

“Sorry, I didn’t know.” I hope he knows I’m really sorry.

“Yeah okay, sure. Whatever.” He starts getting ready for bed. Damn, I really hurt him this time.

“No, Simon. I’m serious. I fucked up and I’m really really sorry.”

**SIMON**

Okay, what the fuck? One minute he’s wound up then he’s saying sorry the next? He’s never apologized to me before. I don’t think he’s ever apologized to anyone at all. And did he just call me _Simon?_ I try to make it look like I’m not finding any of this weird but it’s hard. Your worst enemy apologizing to you isn’t really something you get used to at once.

I lie on my bed in silence, waiting for sleep to get the better of me. But it never does.

“She was such a darling, my mom.” Baz started. “I don’t remember much but I do remember always having a good time with her.”

I turn around and see he’s still working on his art. He’s brilliant.

Baz has built walls around himself. He never lets his guard down. He never shows emotions other than disgust or amusement. But his art is a window that lets me see through that wall. His art is lets me see who he really is. His art is pure and true, making him vulnerable.

“Oh, yeah?” I smile. I never thought he’d open up about his mom to me.

“Yeah. And she was really funny despite being head-mistress. Everything was on her shoulders, you know?” Baz smiles at his work.

“Do you miss her?” _Really, Simon?_ The bloke stays up until past one in the morning painting his mom’s portrait and you ask him if he  _misses_  her?

He stops painting and nods silently. “I miss her so much it hurts. And it hurts because I don’t know if she’ll let me live knowing I’m a fucking vampire.”

**BAZ**

_Do not cry in front of Simon Snow._

He stands up and… what is he doing?  _What the actual fuck is he doing?_  Simon Snow is coming towards my bed. Simon Snow is sitting down on my bed. Simon fucking Snow is sitting down beside me with his back against the wall and his right leg crossed on top of the left. ****

“When I was little, I always dreamed about what my parents would be like.” _Is Simon fucking Snow really sitting beside me on my bed telling me a story from his childhood?_ “I dreamed of my dad being a fireman. I liked the idea of saving lives. And my mom would be a teacher. I think the reason I wanted my mom to be a teacher was because the teacher at the one of the orphanages I stayed at was so nice to me.”

 _I liked the idea of saving lives._  His heart is so pure.

I chuckle. I can't help it. This is the longest time we’ve gone without bickering. And this is the first time we’ve actually talked to each other. “How did we end up here?” I ask, and when he furrows his eyebrows, I raise my own. "You do know that this is the longest we've gone without being at each other's throats, yeah?"

Snow mumbles but I don't understand a word. I turn to see his eyelids drooping. I almost tell him to stop being an adorable little fucker but of course I don’t. I won’t. I can’t.

“Snow.” 

“Hmm?” Trust Simon Snow to fall asleep in the middle of a bloody conversation.

“Wake up, Snow.” He doesn’t wake up. What is he— is he snuggling up on me? 

“I don’t want to. Just let me sleep here, Baz.” He’s whining now. Fucking _hell,_  does he even know what he's saying?

"Snow."

"You called me Simon before." 

"Simon, then."

And he smiles like I'm his favorite person in the world.

I can’t do this anymore. 

I close my eyes and kiss each mole on his cheek. And then the ones underneath his ear. And then the one on his neck. I've imagined doing this before but the bliss I get from actually doing it is fucking unbelievable and it makes me weak.

"Baz?" I hear him release a shaky breath. 

I quickly pull away and brace myself for whatever words he'll throw at me. I prepare myself for a glare or a scowl, a shove or a wary retreat. 

I run my hands through my hair as I desperately try to think of a way to apologize and explain myself for acting so strangely. I'm struggling to find the right words to say, something that's never happened before. 

"Listen—," I start, avoiding his gaze. "I'm so— Simon, I'm—" 

Simon Snow is moving towards me. Simon Snow is kissing me.

He pulls away but our lips meet again before I realize it. My hands slide up his chest, then the nape of his neck, and finally his golden curls. His hands are on my shoulders and he pins me on the wall, never letting our lips separate. He swings one leg to the other side of my leg and sits on my lap. It takes me a few seconds to realize that Simon fucking Snow is straddling me. 

 _Crowley,_ I’m living a charmed life. 

I kiss him harder — and slower. I suck on his bottom lip. I kiss the corner of his mouth. I trace his jaw with my bottom lip and when his head hangs back I leave a trail of kisses down his neck and suck on his collarbone. 

“Baz…  _Baz._ ” The exhilaration I get from hearing Simon say my name is fucking  _stellar_.

His lips reach for mine and we're kissing again. His arms are now around my neck and my hands are on the small of his back.

I pull away and gaze at him. “You have no fucking idea how much I’ve wanted this.”

“I have no fucking idea how much  _I’ve_ wanted this. Well… not until you kissed me.” He giggles and I think it’s the cutest thing ever. I can't help but smile. “Stop fucking smiling so I can kiss you properly.”

“Crowley, Snow, if you don’t stop swearing there’s a hundred percent chance you're body will be marked all over you won't be able to go to class tomorrow.” This boy literally has no idea how much he affects me.

“Aggressive.” He smirks.

“I’ve wanted this for years. I have every right to be aggressive now that you’re letting me.” I push him onto his back, me hovering above him. He lets me pin his hands above his head and then I kiss him. Again. And again. And again. Until our mouths are sore and we're out of breath. I roll onto his side and lie down facing him.

“You do know we have to sleep, right?” Simon raises an eyebrow at me.

“I won’t be able to. Can’t we just keep snogging for the rest of the night?” I’m not one to plead but right now I don’t care. All I want is his lips on mine.

“We can keep snogging tomorrow, I promise. We have a test, remember? First period.” We have almost every class together.

He’s really falling asleep now.

“Snow, do you really think I still give a shit about anything else now that I you're letting me snog you?”

“You should. I should. If I fail that test it’ll affect my grade a lot. Would you want me to drop out and leave you alone in this room with no one to snog?”

“Fine. I swear if you don’t keep your promise I’ll murder you in your sleep.” I lie down next to him. His face is a few inches away from mine.

“What, no goodnight kiss?” I ask playfully.

He giggles. “Haven’t we kissed enough tonight?”

“I don’t think we’ll ever kiss enough. I’ll always want more.”

He cups my cheek and kisses me — so slowly I think time stopped for a moment.

He murmurs, “Goodnight, Baz,” before he closes his eyes.

“Goodnight, Simon.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my Tumblr account (snoggingsnowbaz) but I edited it tonight because I was bored. I wasn't really sure if I should post this here on AO3 because I wrote and posted the original version on Tumblr 2 years ago but,, here we are. (this is old af but this is my first ever snowbaz imagine and im a sentimental bitch so !)


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